What we all have learned from "Pretty Woman"

I have watched Pretty Woman over and over and over again as it comes on cable at anytime, in almost every circumstance, and I know that you do too. Those useless hours spent watching this 1 and ½ star movie have not been wasted time for we have learned a thing or two.


• Blonde wigs look bad on just about everyone. (Britney also solidified this point)

• That it IS “funny how we just remember the bad stuff,” when you think about what other people have said about you.

• What “This car drives like it's on rails,” means.

• That your foot is the exact distance from your wrist to your elbow, additionally that Julia’s legs are really 42 inches long each.

• That every girl you know really does know all the word to the song “Kiss” by Prince, and when she sings it makes her feel kinda sexy. Grrr.

• Everyone has encountered that one shitty bitchbag saleswoman and has waned to tell her off.

• The only ever happy ending that is like Pretty Woman in real life is “Cinda-fuckin-rella”

• Skinny Marie would be an awesome name for a band.

• If you want someone to steal your money don’t put it in your mattress, put it in your toilet tank in a plastic travel soap case.

• When eating in a fine dining situation, always remember to use the correct utensils by starting on the outside and working your way in. Oh, and avoid the escargots.

• Always get paid up front and never kiss on the lips.

• When guys find out you can drive a stick, they think you are 3 times sexier.

• Short stocky bald guys are all inevitably total perverts.

• That not all prostitutes get bitch slapped, and when they do get their “hair combed” they act like babies.

• That streetwalkers are good people on the inside, and as pretty as Julia Roberts.

• Every whore has her day.

• That saying, “pop a squat” is unattractive in any circumstance.

• Hookers like Lucy.

• Fucking on top of a piano would be awesome.

xoxo - m.